The meaning of the word conflict according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes it as differences that prevent agreement, mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands, these give rise to dramatic action in a drama or fiction.
The descriptions above truly challenge us to the realisation that knowing oneself is crucial in fostering the ability to recognise true conflict from the emotional trigger response.
A healthy approach as a start is recognising four main areas of personal ownership and leadership:
· Know yourself (self-awareness)
· Own yourself (be accountable and steadfast)
· Be yourself (be authentic and true)
· Help others (to do the same)
It is important to identify your own “conflict triggers”. What pushes your button into full on conflict response. Once you have identified these – it is easier to mindfully and intentionally seek wisdom to improve in the outcomes of these triggers.
Avoiding conflict is different from dealing with conflict. If the default is to avoid, ignore or park it somewhere – the reality is that the health of our mindset and emotions will eventually become heightened to the level of explosion.
Can you recall a time when someone asked you something innocently? And your response was a roaring tsunami! These outburst are normally an indication of long-term avoidance of conflict.
Basic conflict habits to practice:
· Become quiet and listen intently
· Breathe deeply (yes it really does make a difference)
· Where does the conflict stem from – is it really about you?
· Having empathy and understanding for others soften our responses
· What can you do to help solve or lighten the problem
· Keep repeating in your mind: facts before decisions to stop you from blurting out the first thing that comes to mind
· Forgiveness is a gift that sets both parties free from the bondage of conflict and anger
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)
Health effects:
- Constant conflict, anger, dissatisfaction and bottled-up emotions trigger higher levels of Cortisol which in turn can disrupt almost every system in the body.
- Imbalance of clear thinking and processing, eating patterns change, sleeping patterns change and our general outlook of our life and circumstances clouded by these emotions.
- Our spiritual wellbeing is damaged in a way that we feel unworthy and an overall feeling of negativity or depression might set in.
Self-reflection:
· Can I identify my triggers
· How can I take accountability
· What can I do deal with conflict differently